Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
