Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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