We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
