so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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