I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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