You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
