i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
