too bad you live with your parents still
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
