Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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