even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
