im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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