I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
