I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
