I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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