sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
love makes seman taste better
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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