i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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