alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
