I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
