its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
