I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
