we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
