Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
