I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
