is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
