I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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