You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
