Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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