meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
