and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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