considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
