We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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