sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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