I puked a lego.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
