Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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