i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
