As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
