I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
