I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
