why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My life is pants optional.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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