Got a toothbrush?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
