Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
