no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
