i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
