I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I forget how to act sober
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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