at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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