I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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