The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I deserve this hangover.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
