i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
