I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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