she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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