I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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