I must be too annoying 4 u.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My vagina just recognized that song.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
