We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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