it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
