just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
