theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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