how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
